People are posting pumpkin bread. Stores are selling sweaters. The words crisp and cozy are being thrown around with reckless optimism. Meanwhile I am over here in a tank top, holding an iced coffee and trying not to pass out from rage and residual heat.

This is not seasonal affective disorder. This is seasonal affective denial. I want fall. My soul is ready. But the environment says no.

Let’s unpack it.

The Sun Is Aggressive and I Am Not Okay

There is no reason for the sun to be this bright in September. I am not trying to sunbathe. I am trying to transition into my spooky little era and this lighting is ruining the vibe. The way it blasts through the window like it pays rent is honestly disrespectful.

Mentally I Am Lighting Candles and Embracing the Darkness

I want dim corners and soft blankets and mildly haunted energy. But instead I have ceiling fan air and skin that feels permanently damp. I lit a cinnamon candle and the wax started sweating in solidarity. It is all wrong.

Stores Are Lying to My Face

You want me to buy sweaters right now? Full flannel sets? Knee high boots? In this economy and this humidity Absolutely not. Let me see one person in a cable knit sweater while I am still wearing shorts and I might lose it in a very public way.

Fall Vibes Feel Like Delusion but I Am Committed

Do I still put on a hoodie in the morning and immediately regret it Yes. Do I drink hot tea and pretend I do not feel faint afterward Absolutely. I am playing fall chicken with the weather and I am not backing down. This is spiritual resistance.

Nothing Matches and I Am Emotionally Unstable

My mood says bake something and wear fuzzy socks. My body says peel your clothes off and stand in front of the fridge. I tried to do a cozy evening routine last night and ended up in a heat induced meltdown halfway through brushing my hair. Seasonal transitions are a scam.

I Am Tired of Holding It Together

I am tired of pretending to like fall while still living in summer’s violent aftershocks. I am tired of seeing pumpkins while sweating through my bra. I am tired of trying to romanticize something that feels like confusion wrapped in a sundress and denial.

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If you feel off right now, you are not alone. This is the weird in between. The seasonal no man’s land where your brain wants autumn but your body is still in fight or flight because of the temperature.

So go ahead. Drink your iced coffee while burning a pumpkin candle. Sit in front of a fan while watching spooky movies. Wear your moomoo and mutter about the weather like a cozy little menace.

We will get through this. Probably.